It's a Big, Lonely City

After a slow, rolling start to this journey, things have really picked up and time is starting to fly. While a lot has continued to happen at the office I am working in, I would like to spend the majority of this post reflecting on a personal experience I had outside of the office last weekend. On Friday afternoon I set out on a somewhat impromptu 48-hour homeless simulation that I had decided I wanted to do in order to gain a better understanding of what it means to live without all of the luxuries that I have always taken for granted. I had only a few rules for myself during this experience: One, no online research allowed, all information and insight I got must come from other people or resources available to me out on the street. Two, all I could take with me was my identification, metro card, and keys to get back into my apartment after it was over. Three, no breaking laws that could get me arrested, I wanted to make sure I came home in one piece and without wasting a bunch of money just to get myself out of jail for doing something stupid.

With all of that understood, let's now get to talking about my experiences. Obviously I survived and made it home, as I am sitting here writing this in the comforts of my apartment. I had intentions of staying one night on the street and one night in a shelter. The one night on the streets was more than I could handle, and so I regret to inform you that the 48-hour simulation turned into a 24-hour one. No one, not even police officers, could tell me where a shelter was, and I was not having any luck just running into one on my own, so I threw the towel in and admitted defeat after enduring just half of my planned simulation. Although I didn't make it to my goal, the experience was nonetheless extremely eye-opening and valuable for me as an individual and for ERACE Poverty, as we will be able to use this experience in decisions for future domestic poverty partnerships.

The two most impacting feelings from this experience were the immense loneliness and the incredible humility that were constant throughout. First, I was not expecting to feel loneliness like I felt from the outset, loneliness like I have never experienced or even imagined before in my life. Without my friends around, without my phone to contact any of them, without even my ipod to act as a friend, and with very intense feelings and thoughts on my heart and mind, I found myself overwhelmed at many points throughout the night and day. Luckily, I had taken a pad of paper and a pen along with me to record my thoughts, and so they became my best friends. The irony of being in the middle of one of the world's largest and most densely populated cities, and yet feeling completely isolated like I may as well have been in an isolation chamber at Alcatraz, was both frustrating and hilarious to me. And so I set out to make friends with some homeless folks, which was again frustrating. A surprising amount of them did not speak English, and the others who did seemed simply incapable of carrying on a sensical conversation. Please understand that I am not talking down about them. I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent and well adjusted young man, but if I were in their situation for much longer than 24 hours without the mental advantage of knowing it was temporary, I too would quickly lose the awareness of appropriate social interaction.

Typically when we talk about humility in this country, we are speaking of not "tooting your own horn" or giving credit to others instead of yourself for accomplishments. While that is important, it pales in comparison to the humility that I experienced when asking strangers to help me meet my basic human needs by giving me any spare change or buying me something to eat. Once again, I am not feeling sorry for myself or in any way equating my situation to someone who really must rely on this daily, I am simply commenting on my reactions to my experiences. There is something that happens inside of you when you break down enough to get to this point, and something even more profound when you are looked at as if you do not even deserve a verbal response, but rather a disgusted look and a shoulder turned on you. The first time this happened to me, I actually felt as if someone had thrown a rock at my chest. I could physically feel my heart drop; it was the most horrible feeling I think I have ever experienced. My point is this: please do not ever do this to anyone! No one deserves to feel that way, no matter what there situation is and how they got there. How someone can maintain any ounce of self worth when they encounter this daily I do not know, but they are a much stronger person than I. So please at least offer a smile and polite verbal response to anyone who approaches you from now on. My suspicion and approach before last weekend was that a lot of people don't care as much about getting money from you as they long just to be treated like a human being, and that was confirmed through my experiences. If you do have some spare change or any other tangible items to offer them, please do.

Well I won't go into any more detail about my experiences, other than to tell you that I survived the night by sleeping on a couple different benches and on the subway, and by walking aimlessly for hours just waiting for the sun to rise and life to return to the streets. I would encourage everyone to do something similar. You will not enjoy a second of it, but the perspective you will gain will be life changing, I hope, and you will certainly be better off for the experience. I have included a couple pictures of the city that I have taken in the past week. Enjoy, and please leave me any feedback you may have to this posting. Next week I will have more updates from work at the office. Have a great week everyone!