Recently I have come to experience that the holiday season means very different things to different people. Everyday of this journey has made me realize how fortunate I have been to be born into a family that loves me endlessly and has the resources to give me the opportunity to dream to do essentially anything on this side of eternity. Holidays, to me, mean time with family and other loved ones, time to relax and reflect on the year, and time to recharge in preparation for the upcoming new year. In contrast, holidays, to a lot of people with situations nearly opposite of mine, mean feeling even more lonely, hungry, and just overall aware of their circumstances than normal.
This is not a new concept to me. Everyone always hears during the holiday season that there are people who are less fortunate than they are, and we are almost all involved in some sort of food or toy drive, or giving to the "bell ringers" as we walk into stores. Recently at the office where I am interning, there has been a lot of talk about this year's Thanksgiving food drive and Holiday gift drive. Each year they appeal to community business owners and families for non-perishable food and frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving baskets that will be delivered to families who truly would not have a family dinner otherwise. Also, they take toy donations to be handed out to children who come in with their parents, children who may have never known what it is like to receive a gift for Christmas, Hanukkah, Three Kings Day, or any other holiday during this season.
The reason I have come to experience the difference from my own holiday protocols is that the budget for CFL has been cut due to the economic situation. You see, CFL is a non-profit organization relying heavily on private foundations and donors for their financial well-being. When the economy affects these people and foundations, it eventually trickles down to affect all of their investments. For this reason, I was honored to write CFL's first ever holiday appeal letter, and I am excited to walk through the community on Friday to deliver it to local families and business owners and humbly ask for their assistance. I remain optimistic, though maybe only through ignorance, that we can get enough food and gifts to still reach the most desperate of families in our community.
The combination of the above situation with the fact that we have had to close the doors of our food pantry a couple days due to lack of available food, hearing more heartbreaking personal stories everyday about homelessness, joblessness, and hopelessness, and reading about the situation of civil unrest in the Democratic Republic of Congo was enough to bring me to tears a couple days ago. On Monday I just felt overwhelmed by it all, as recognized by everyone at the office who told me that my whole demeanor and spirit seemed off. I was not able to identify it until I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone that night and I just lost it. The tears came pouring down my face and I just started venting about everything that was wrong with the world. I felt personally responsible for it all because I was using a cell phone and a laptop that contained materials which were part of the battle over resources that led to the situation in the D.R. of Congo. I felt personally responsible because I have always lived so comfortably and have missed so many opportunities to help those all around me in desperate situations. I hate that multinational corporations with no apparent moral compass have essentially tied my hands, along with so many others, and made me unknowingly participate in encouraging rebel armies to form and try to take control of national resources, just so those companies can make money on both of us. I hate that there are thousands of organizations doing great work to help, and it still doesn't seem to be enough. Basically, I just hate that human beings, including myself, can somehow continually ignore the pain and suffering of others just like us. Pain and suffering that, if we were to have to endure it, would be unbearable and drive us to despair while others simply walked by or turned their eyes. I know for certain that if I were in any such situations, I would be so upset at people like me, and so hurt that people like myself seemingly do not care.
I am asking for your thoughts and prayers to help me gather all of these feelings and put them to use as fuel for action. It is so easy to feel like my hands are tied and then just get angry, but that is the beautiful part of ERACE. We are giving everyone who feels the same as I do an opportunity to be part of large scale change, with, really, very little personal effort. That is why all of our hard work, time and energy is worth it, and I pray that I never forget this. We must be aware of the situation in the world and we have even come to expect it, but we mustn't ever accept it. That is a very important distinction to make, between expecting and accepting. I apologize for the negativity of this entry, but I feel that it is important for me to deliver raw feelings along with real happenings, and I am so thankful for your prayers in regard to this. Have a pleasant weekend everyone, and please leave me your thoughts on this entry. I hope there are many thoughts, positive or negative.
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